Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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