First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
