just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
