Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
