ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
