We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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