I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
