I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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