tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
