i just had sex bonerless
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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