no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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