Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
