in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
