i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
