would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
