he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
