Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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