Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
