people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Let's get the cat blown out
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
