I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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