Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
