Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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