It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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