i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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