Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
