I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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