Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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