tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
