I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
