I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
