Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
two words...techno handjob
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
