If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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