She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
