Screwed.edu
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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