How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
