I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
