On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Damn victory sex feels great
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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