Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
