smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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