I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
