My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
