I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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