Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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