My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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