Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize