we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
