My liver just broke up with me...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize