she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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