She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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