worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
