it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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