If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
