I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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