The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My liver just had a heart attack.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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