my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize