either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
