I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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