yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Randomize
