dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
