i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
