I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
