it hurts more in the daytime
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
