i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
