i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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