see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
