They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
