i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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