My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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