I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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